he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
