great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
