I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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