Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
