i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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