Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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