I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
