My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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