see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
