very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
