I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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