90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
