you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
