Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
