he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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