Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
