I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
