If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
