you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
