I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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