I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
