when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
