This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
