i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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