i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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