a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
