Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
