He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
