Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
