I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
