rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i out mim tonsoeep
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