I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
