dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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