I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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