can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
