hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
