I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
