He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
