From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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