so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
