I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
