I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize