What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
