just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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