Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
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