he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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