sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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