I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
