She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
