No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
