i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
