I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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