So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
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You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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