my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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