I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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