Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
