I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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