I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
