You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
