It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
