I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
