Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
