Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
