I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.