so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
