community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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