***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
