you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
