If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
