He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
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What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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