So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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