I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
