Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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